I haven’t had the easiest childhood, to say the least. Life has forced me to grow up too fast and too soon, at a pace that I could barely follow. I was unceremoniously thrown into the whirlpool of pain, anguish, and intolerable emotional purgatory.
Nobody asked me if I wanted to do this. If I felt strong enough, fast enough, big enough. Life just handed me a truckload- full of agony which I needed to work through and deal with.
I’ve been diagnosed with Chronic Lyme Disease at a very young age. Years ago there was scarce information as to what a tick bite can do, let alone the impact it has on the body. For years I have suffered physical pains, and mental health struggles; in addition to uncomfortable and painful symptoms which affected my studies, my concentration, and my relationships.
Over the course of my late teens I have visited countless of medical doctors who specialized in this field and were to help me out of the devastating illness. For years I battled loneliness, depression, and anxiety, as I tried to make sense of my life and the pain that I was experiencing.
I was upset at God. Wondering how he can make it happen. Questioning what I have done to deserve a miserable life.
Throughout the times of my illness, I was constantly striving to connect with God, believe in him, and find strength and comfort in the difficult times. It was mighty hard many times. When the pain was excruciating and my spirit was low I felt like I couldn’t take another step without crumbling.
I have always found my way back, even if I would spend a few days in misery I would connect with my creator thereafter, for I felt that his presence and love was the only thing that kept me going in the hard times.
After many long years of both medical and holistic medicine and treatment, I was finally, unbelievably… cured! It took a lot of physical, emotional, and spiritual energy to get to know the real world. The world consisted of (for the most part) people who were feeling fine, doing well, and living their lives.
I couldn’t imagine how I would be able to be a part of a society where laughter, camaraderie, and cheerfulness were the norm.
As the years passed I have learned to enjoy life and to appreciate the God-given miracles, blessings, and opportunities. I now see more than ever that those years of constant tears, desperation, and sadness were what ultimately made me stronger.
I am who I am today precisely because of the limitations that I’ve had growing up; I am God-fearing and deeply connected to the source who gives life. If not for all the times of confusion, fear, anxiety, and agony I would not have been the person I am today.
It isn’t to say that troubles are welcome and that it doesn’t hurt like hell. It’s just that when you’re going through a hard time, when you feel like you can’t push any longer and you don’t have it in you to fight anymore- just keep in mind that one day, in the (hopefully near) future you will look back. You will appreciate this time. You will know why it all happened.
Wipe those tears and keep going. That which is hurting you, breaking you, and devastating you, is what will ultimately create and form the beautiful person you are meant to be.