God who Loves, gives Love

Those of you who have read my post “Lessons from Loss” will be familiar with the heartbreak I experienced after the loss of my unborn baby. It was a devastating time which called for introspection, faith, and lots of strength.

I desperately wished to be pregnant again after my loss, yet the fear, anxiety, and doubts hung over me like a dark cloud. I kept envisioning the same thing happening again, God forbid and spent many sleepless nights in worry and despair.

I tried to cling to my faith, to the belief that God is Good, that he is pure kindness and grace. That this one challenge I was experiencing did not mean that I will face it yet again. However, I was still battling the dark thoughts and negativity which seemed to engulf me. I was drowning in an abyss and was attempting to stay afloat in the sea of my sorrow.

I realized after a while that there are two ways of living. Some believe in God and hold him in high regard. And there are others who not only believe in God, yet live with God. This profound thought strengthened me when I was submerged in my pain. For I tried to include God in my life, to actively involve him and embrace him the same that he cares for me so lovingly.

I realized that frequently we Believe in God and his power, yet are disconnected from him in many ways. We fail to actively internalize that he is right here with us, going through the difficult time and cheering us on as we’re trying to overcome the challenge he’s sent our way.

I’m not saying that it has been easy and that overnight I have been transformed and my fears abated. However, I took the leap of faith and said to God “You are the one who gives life, and you are the one who takes it away. I trust you that you will be here with me as I put my faith in you and am truly ready to embrace motherhood.”

A few short weeks later my husband and I found out that we were expecting! The joy was immense, and so was the fear. I was constantly trying to reinforce what I’d said to myself before. Trying to strengthen my belief, while simultaneously welcoming God into my life and talking to him about my fears.

It has been a difficult few months of true self-awareness, perseverance, and strength. I’ve given over my life to my father and trusted that he will take care of me and my unborn child.

I am happy to say that we are expecting our firstborn in September and can not wait to celebrate our rainbow baby.

If not for the constant awareness of God’s might, his loving-kindness, and his deep compassion for me I would not have tried for a healthy child. I could not have had the courage to face my demons and tell them that I am stronger than them. That my God is stronger than them.

I have learned to live with God. Every single moment of every single day. To truly feel him. To let him in and to make space for him.

Because when we open the door for our creator, he will open many doors for us and show us his kindness and everlasting love.

Published by Simone E

Passion for words, people and life. I aspire to find meaning, inspiration, and God in everything that happens.

57 thoughts on “God who Loves, gives Love

      1. You’re welcome my friend! 😊 One thing I’ve learned is that we must uplift and keep one another inspired and motivated. That’s why I admire you and all of my WP family 🙏 I can definitely say we stick together over here. Have a blessed night 🙏

        Liked by 2 people

  1. God is like the sun – is does not ask if someone is good or bad – it sends its warm light to everyone, even to the worst sinner.
    Thank you very much, my dear friend Simone 🙂
    Stay healthy and happy 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well put! God gives to all of his creations. He is pure light and kindness. We just need to open our eyes and notice his goodness!
      Thank you for sharing your thoughts on my post 🥹

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for sharing such a beautiful, important, and deeply reflective personal story! I am so sorry for your loss – it is hard to imagine the depth of the pain you have experienced through the loss of a child. I know you will carry that experience with you always. And it is also so uplifting to see how you have processed your grief, and also that you are now blessed with the news that you are expecting a child again! It sounds as if there are many wonderful experiences in store for you! Wishing you the very best, and much continued happiness! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Anita, you have no idea how much your kind words mean to me. Yes it has been a truly painful experience which I wouldn’t wish on anybody. Especially that we very much wanted a child and the loss was wrenching. I have learnt throughout my life that wallowing in the misery won’t get me anywhere, and I have tried to grow from the painful experiences.
      Thank you again for your warm words, they mean so much ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Ever since I was a child, I have kept the door to my soul open. The reality of the soul I am every day of my life, as a living being, ready to decide for the next conscious step. Love and kindness are words. I try not to avoid the shadows of life, to dare the better with each new day.

    I am weak and remain an imperfect human being. I accept my imperfections, my downsides and try to work on them every day. I am not separated from an ideal, from a perfection. I have to answer for and justify everything I do to myself.

    I am nature in nature, I am time for a short time. My life was given to me by my mother.

    The soul and the spirit are in me, my life is not given to me by a god out there.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Beautifully written, girl, and deeply thought-out as well. Doesn’t it just stink that we have to live through such hard times, but aren’t there amazing beauties all along the way?! I sometimes SO wish that there was an easier way to get through our lives, but it doesn’t seem as if there is. So, like you (brava!) I turn my face toward Jesus/God/Spirit and ask them to take it from here. Over and over and over and over….

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes it definitely is super hard sometimes, and the going is so tough! The paradox of beauty and pain, suffering and joy is striking and makes life all the more beautiful at times 😊
      There definitely doesn’t look like there’s an easier way, because i think one of us would have figured it out after many years on this planet 😉
      Turning toward God and letting him control my life and guide me is what helped me through the pain and kept me strong.
      Thank you for reading, dear!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. OMG, I am over here in tears!

    To transition into normalcy after a loss seems like torture, I start asking; where are you God? He is never far away and never losses a battle! He is undefeated! To know that brings me to still waters and sometimes he makes me lie down, because in my grief, I can’t with my own power, in my humanness. I am so sorry for the loss of your baby and I am excited for your new birth! God is able to do exceedingly, ABUNDANTLY! All that we can ask or think! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Your warm words brought tears to my eyes.. thank you for your heartwarming words. They mean so much.
      I can say with certainty that it has been one of the most difficult times of my life.. the emptiness is enormous and it feels like you’ll never be while again. But God is good and gracious! And even when we don’t understand his ways we need to understand that we can’t understand; yet believe that one day we will see and know why it all happened.
      Thank you for your blessings. It means so much. Can’t wait to share my little one with you guys 🥰

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Congratulations on your new pregnancy. May Father bless you with a healthy baby!
    It may be that Father allowed your pain so that you will be equipped to comfort those who also will suffer such pain (2 Corinthians 1:4)
    Your discovery that ‘believing’ is not enough is consistent with what the Bible teaches: “You believe that God is one; you do well. Even the demons believe—and shudder!” James 2:19
    For more on this difference see: https://capost2k.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/do-you-agree-or-do-you-believe/
    ❤️&🙏, c.a.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Congratulations to you both dear lady, a very beautiful gift indeed. As is the visitor you opened the door of your heart to. It takes time to digest the many things we go through but that is so we get it right, absorb its truth in understanding it properly. We humans tend to feel that rush of an event and because we don’t fully understand it we ‘react’ with those conditions that this world brings. Fear does that…but with a great purpose. Its like we don’t truly appreciate happiness unless we experience sadness too. Then we know happiness’s truth. And once we know all of the ‘conditional love’ we have experienced down here…in understanding that fear He will show us the unconditional love through it. It’s like the happiness…we can’t truly appreciate unconditional love unless we experience the conditional love first. May you find them both…and I think this time a love like no other will arrive in September. Love and His light to you all 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Mark for your meaningful and beautiful comment. It is very much appreciated! You couldn’t have said it better.. we can only feel true happiness if we have felt it’s counterpart- sadness too. For our heart is full of emotion and in order to experience true delight we must have felt the other.
      I value your wonderful perspective and appreciate your kindness! Wishing you well 😊

      Liked by 1 person

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